An article recently pointed to the significant challenges working mothers have ahead of them during 2020. It is a sobering read and has evoked much thought. This prompted me to reflect on statements shared with me over my journey as a working mother. The statements are as follows:

"You are expecting, you do not need to work. Your energy should be focused on the baby."

"Enjoy your babies. No need to worry about work. Focus on what is important."

"You have two beautiful children. That is what is important."

"Your son will be in Kindergarten. With your son being in Kindergarten there is no need for you to work full time. You know they get sick all the time."

"On the other days you are not working you could be a mother."

"Does your wife need to work?" (This question was asked by supervisor of my husband who questioned his involvement in assisting me in the transition of working outside of the home.) 

A consistent theme present in these quotes is, "Stick to being a mother." The quotes listed were shared with me over the last few years when inquiring about potential growth opportunities or in a discussion of ways to navigate the challenges of working outside of the home. The last quote was shared with my husband with the clear intention of questioning the dynamics of my family. The underlying messages of these quotes are pervasive and send a clear message for working mothers to navigate within the boundaries established by societal norms. Also, there is the clear implication motherhood is relegated to its own category and not interconnected with the every day lives of women and families. 

Cultural norms working mothers are expected or obliged to follow "bottleneck" many women from continuing their professional pursuits. Veering away from these expectations can render ostracism or disdain with echoes of "Stay in your place." As I reflect on the statements shared with me, I realize these individuals have the perception working is antithetical with being a mother and doing a sufficient job. In addition, this thought pattern is perpetuated by men and women who feel my decision making as a professional is in contrast to the decisions made as a mother.

 Hearing the quotes above posed many challenges for me to include questioning myself. However, I have emerged in understanding I am not defined by the expectation of others. I have also learned  people channel their experiences and regret when examining your journey. The unmitigated regret of others often can be impressed on others striving to step outside of preconceived boundaries. It is less about me and more about the journey of the individuals who made the statement.  

Veering from the norm is difficult and the pressure working mothers feel is clear and present. This was hard to hear. It is easier to go with the flow than it is steer in a direction that is uncommon.  In the wise words of a mentor, "Get use to it." Therefore, keep pressing forward and ultimately "do you!"